why?

i hate myself to be like this...
i hate myself to be honest...
i hate myself to love her...
i hate myself donno how to make a choice..
(Secondhand Serenade - Pretend )
It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth
How did I get here
What did I do
Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue
So pleaseLet me be free from youAnd please, let me be free
I can face the truthI'm blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did the go to
Why disappearIt's hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear
So please
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be freeI can face the truth
Put down your worldJust for one night
Pick me again
So pleaseLet me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth

...i hate myself...to love you...